Insomnia

So I don't blog enough. I make excuses and then think "whatever would I write about today?" Well that is all going to change because I realized as I lay awake listening to the clocks tick that I can let the world know that I don't sleep. I just don't. I lost the ability to sleep when I was pregnant and have never found it again. I often panic in the early hours of the evening and think "How will I sleep tonight? How is that going to happen?" I mean sleep is such a basic physiological component to existence, yet it escapes me. It is something we all figure out how to do at the early age of, oh I don't know....birth, yet I simply cannot figure it out. On a good night, I will sleep without waking up 5 or 6 times. I find a solid night's rest about once a week. I try to express my frustration to some who tell me "Maybe you need something to help you sleep." Well that's just great. I have not slept for almost a decade. Do ya' think I may have tried "something" already? I do the math starting about midnight. "Okay if I fall asleep at this exact moment and sleep until 8, then I can make it through my Saturday and feel pretty good." Then 2am creeps up on me and the numbers are adjusted. Once I get down to about 5 to 6 hours, I realize I cannot force a slumber. I face facts. Anyway, here I sit and listen to the clocks. The cats are begging me to just come back to bed, crawl under the blankets, and wait for morning.